So Rebecca Serle, author of next month’s When You Were Mine is hosting an awesome contest. What if Shakespeare Got It Wrong? This is your chance to rewrite Shakespeare the way you always wanted. And well, I did. Below is my entry and my revision of Act 5 of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Enjoy!
Act V: A Midsummer Night’s Dream
HIPPOLYTA: ‘Tis strange my Theseus, that these
lovers speak of.
THESEUS Darling, this is more than strange. They woke up naked in the woods and expect us to believe nothing happened! Do you honestly think that’s true.
HIPPOLYTA:Why yes! All their stories match up so well.
THESEUS: Have you not watched CSI or NCIS lately? That’s when we’re supposed to be suspicious! I’d bet my last coin that they rehearsed that line. Their lucky we don’t have them all arrested for public indecienceny!
HIPPOLYTA: You’re ruining my wedding with your mouth words! That’s it you’re sleeping on the couch!
THESEUS :Ok let’s not overreact. I’m just saying they all woke up naked in the woods. I can’t have all my subjects running around naked in the woods! Remember what happened when that emperor didn’t wear any clothes. It was practically a nudist colony! I don’t care if they ate the mushrooms, someone needs to marry someone.
HIPPOLYTA: Oh, I love a good wedding! I wonder if we could get David Tutera?
THESEUS Glad we’re on the same page. Now we have to sit through that play. Then we can head upstairs *wink wink*.
HIPPOLYTA Stop winking. It’s unattractive.
PYRAMUS: oh hey wall, oh wonder what’s on the other side of you.
THISBE: oh hey wall, wonder what’s on the other side of you.
PYRAMUS: a Girl!
THISBE: a Boy!
PYRAMUS: lets meet here later, yo. I heart you.
THISBE: Ok. *giggle giggle*
PRAYMUS: OH NO A LION and moonshine!
THISBE: Oh my, this moonshine makes me so tipsy. GET OUT OF MY WAY LION, MY FUTURE HUSBANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL.*stabs lion*
PYRAMUS: (having seen all): yea. uh, Thisbe. I got a thing. It was great meeting you. Don’t call me.
THISBE: Why does it always end like this? And what am I going to do with all this lion meat?
Meanwhile with the faeries:
TITANIA: So let me get this straight, you drugged me and made me fall in love with a human transformed into an ass.
OBERON: That about sums it up.
TITANIA: Seriously, I’m married to a 7th grader. How long have you been around, a cool thousand years? An ass? If you put half that much effort into our marriage, we wouldn’t be living in separate nests.
OBERON: What do you mean? That was hilarious.
TITANIA: *SMH* *storms off*
Puck: If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,